


5Dees Nuts

by saltiestcoconut



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's, Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack Fic, Crack Fic ... with Plot!, I DON'T EVEN GO HERE, M/M, Seriously how did I end up with a plot for this, no beta we die like men, seriously this is unedited and everything have fun :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29019963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltiestcoconut/pseuds/saltiestcoconut
Summary: A totally serious and spoiler heavy retelling of the last arc of 5Ds, this time with kizuna because Yugioh 5D's tried to hide the gay.Written for my precious friend Flame, but don't tell him I said that.
Relationships: Ai | Ignis & Fujiki Yuusaku, Jack Atlas/Fudou Yuusei/Crow Hogan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	5Dees Nuts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AKnightOfAGoodKing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AKnightOfAGoodKing/gifts).



> Wow flame really burst into my dms and demanded me to write them kizuna crack  
> ... and like an idiot I really indulged them  
> Hope you enjoy bitchu I tried to include as many things as you like as possible 
> 
> Oh and I suppose I should give a shout out to @Rebdvision for giving me ideas  
> Thanks I hate them (as her simp tho go check out her art it's really good she's on both tumblr and twitter)  
> (the Bruno is for you bitch)

Yusei, Jack, and Crow were holding hands and skipping off into the sunset following their victory at the World Racing Grand Prix. Everyone anticipated the end of the world, for everyone knows that at the end of major events like this the main antagonist would show themself and threaten to end the world. 

That time wasn't now, however, and team 5D's opted to instead enjoy their victory over a barbecue where all the food burnt because Jack was supposed to be in charge of grilling the food, but he got distracted by Crow's hot ass in an apron as he served everyone else. Jack thought his hot ass would look better in  _ just  _ the apron, but before he could get too far into that particular daydream, he felt a polite tapping on his shoulder from what turned out to be Bruno. 

"Give me the tongs, please," he said. 

"Huh?" Jack very intelligently said as he spun around and hit Bruno in the face with said tongs. "Thongs is a good idea," Jack said, not noticing poor Bruno nursing his newest brush. "Thanks for the idea," he added on as he shoved the tongs at Bruno and skipped off to tell Yusei his brilliant new idea. 

"You're welcome?" Bruno asked, confused but relieved he didn't have to eat burnt hot dogs anymore. 

Jack grabbed Yusei's shoulders when he finally reached his crab haired ass and spun him away from his conversation with Aki. 

"Jack, love, you need to stop dragging me away every time you want to talk to me," Yusei chastised lightly, giving Jack a quick peck to minimize the impact. 

"I'm going to choose to ignore that in favor of telling you my brilliant new idea." 

"Oh no," Yusei groaned. 

"It's my best idea ever." Jack barreled onwards. He moved Yusei's head to look at Crow, who was talking to Team Ragnorak looking apologetic. "Crow's wearing an apron, and he looks fucking hot as hell in it right?" 

Yusei nodded, "Crow always looks adorable, but that apron makes him look both adorable and sexy." 

"Right. Anyways here's my idea: Crow in that apron. That's it." 

Yusei raised his eyebrows as he imagined that exact scenario. "Okay I see where you're coming from." 

"I'm right, aren't I? It's okay, I already know." 

"Just this once, you're totally correct. He can wear a thong too right?" 

"I think I did mention a thong at some point." 

Yusei shrugged, "not to me you haven't." 

"... poor Bruno," Jack muttered as he pulled out his phone and googled the nearest Victoria's Secret. 

~.~ 

Yusei watched Jack walk away from him and he shook his head fondly, Jack loved to whisk him away randomly only to ditch him just as fast. Yusei would have swooned if it weren't for the ditching part, but since this was Jack he was musing about, he opted to instead lowkey simp for Jack and his asshole ways. 

Yusei went to go find Aki to talk to her some more, but when he found her talking to Carly, he decided to let her be and instead went to go wax his third love of his life (after Crow and Jack), his D-wheel. He ran his hand over her paint job and debated if he needed to simply give her a wash or a wash and a polish, when something bumped into him, shoving their hand into his pocket. 

He whirled around to punch the guy in the face, but saw that it was Jack. “Oh hey Jack, you're back so soon." 

Jack hissed at Yusei and hopped onto his D-wheel, speeding off with it. Yusei just stared after Jack’s retreat, “He could have just asked if he wanted to ride my D-wheel so bad.” 

~.~

Five hours later and Yusei  _ still  _ didn’t get his D-wheel back, so he called Jack to find out when he was going to return his beloved set of wheels, beloved after Crow and Jack, of course. 

“I didn’t take your D-wheel though,” Jack had answered, “I took my own.” A pause then, “Are you sure it was me who took it?” Jack asked then hung up because apparently there was a sell on lotion or whatever it was that Victoria’s Secret actually sold. 

Yusei frowned, and went to find Bruno, hoping his mechanical bestie would help him with his troubles. 

Bruno nodded along to Yusei’s story, “Good thing I installed a GPS tracker on all of your D-wheels, 

“Good thinking on your part, Bruno,” Yusei agreed, following Bruno and looking over his shoulder as Bruno connected to the GPS system to track Yusei’s D-wheel. 

“I found it!” Bruno yelled. He pointed at the screen, “Your D-wheel is down by the pier.” 

Yusei gasped, “that’s the same pier Jack stole my D-wheel the first time around.” 

Bruno patted Yusei sympathetically, “go get your girl, Yusei.” 

“I’m coming babe!” Yusei yelled, grabbing Crow’s D-wheel before Crow can beat his ass over taking his precious baby. 

~.~

As Bruno had said, Yusei had found his D-wheel by the pier, but also feral Jack as Yusei mentally called him.

“Jack! Give me back my D-wheel!” Yusei yelled, “we can forget this happened and go back home.” 

Jack screeched at Yusei and hopped onto Yusei’s D-wheel, speeding away while activating the dueling portion of the D-wheel. You know the D in D-wheel as was totally intended by the dub. 

Knowing when Yusei had no choice, he followed Jack and groaned when Jack inevitable locked him into a speed duel. Please for the love of all that is holy let Yusei rest. The duel started without any input from Yusei himself.

…

“I synchro summon!” Yusei yelled, lifting his hand to summon his level 8 ace monster, Stardust Dragon, only for his duel disk to blare out an error. 

“No!” Yusei yelled, “Jack stole my Stardust Dragon again!” 

Without Stardust, there was no way for Yusei to win despite being the King of Games, and the impact from losing sent him flying along with Crow’s D-wheel. Luckily, Crow’s D-wheel wasn’t that badly damaged, but Yusei was a whole different story. 

Through the power of the Crimson Dragon and perhaps some foresight, Crow pulled up in Bruno’s totally canon sports mom van, yelling at Yusei for taking his D-wheel and then yelling because Yusei was hurt. 

~.~

Turns out, with no D-wheel, but more importantly broken legs, Yusei could no longer speed duel. Once Jack returned from Victoria’s Secret (yes it took him that long), Jack denied everything that had happened and vowed to once again stop his evil doppelganger from wrecking his reputation. He also vowed to get revenge for his boyfriend, who had two broken legs. 

Lua and Luca also joined Jack because they too wanted to help out. Jack grabbed the two of them and had Lua cling to his neck while Luca was slung over his lap, because Luca was lighter. 

The trio didn’t find evil Jack, but instead found Crow, who naturally challenged them to a duel. The first duelist who went down was Luca, who lost her consciousness as per the rules of high stakes dueling. Before her mark disappeared though, Lua took her mark from her, turning him into a signer and replacing her as the claw of the dragon signer. Which was cool, good for him.

With their combined might, Jack and Lua managed to defeat evil Crow, but not before Lua was defeated. Following the rules of yugioh logic, this only left Jack still able to duel the antagonists. 

When Jack and the twins went back home, they found that evil Jack was already waiting for them. 

Yusei, good boy that he was, insisted on dueling evil Jack, and since he’s the protagonist, he was allowed to. He had to duel while sitting on Crow’s D-wheel, the trusty motorcycle stationary much to Yusei’s despair considering he couldn’t actually ride it. By his side, Jack and Crow stood firmly, refusing to let Yusei fight his final battle alone, overwhelmed with the love Yusei had for his boyfriends, he made sure to duel with everything he had. Since this is a yugioh duel, evil Jack explaned during the duel that he and Crow was actually from the future who had travelled back in time to kill Yusei before he betrayed them by giving up dueling forever. Yusei scoffed, there was no way he was going to betray them and give up dueling, he loved speed duels too much to give up on them. Even without Stardust (Yusei ended up getting Stardust back close to the end of the duel anyways), they managed to pull a win against evil Jack, who later disappeared from existence when the duel proved that Jack, Yusei, and Crow would never betray each other or leave dueling because they were in love and happy together as well as the dueling world’s strongest trio ever. Well maybe not as strong as Yuma, Kaito, and Shark because Zexal slaps, but pretty strong. Once the duel was over and Yusei was finally laid down to rest, Jack and Crow kissed each of Yusei’s legs and with the power of gay love, he found that he was able to walk again. Gosh is there anything the power of gay love can’t fix? 

And with that they lived happily ever after never to separated again. Luca ended up okay, her consciousness was restored when evil Jack was defeated and now that she no longer has a Signer mark, her health had never been better. She's even stronger than her brother now, much to his embarrassment. As for Bruno, he's okay too, he helps Yusei with his physics job and regularly upgrades and improve and all the technology in Yusei's lab. 

* * *

"And that's how the power of gay love and friendship saved the day. Mostly gay love."

Yusaku frowned at Ai, “you’re bullshiting me. There’s no way any of that happened.”

Ai wiggled his finger, “but it did happen, exactly as how I told it." 

Yusaku scoffed, "no way. There's just no way, Ai. A spiritual dragon and time travel? Everyone knows that's impossible." 

Ai narrowed his eyes, "and somehow pulling the exact card you need isn't impossible?" 

Yusaku poked Ai in his small chest, "the heart of the cards is very much real as you can testify." 

"So let me get this straight. Heart of the cards: real. Mystical dragons, their chosen ones and time travel: bogus." 

"Yeah pretty much, I knew you weren't completely stupid." 

Ai collapsed on the surface of Yusaku's duel disk, "why do I even bother. I tried giving you an awesome history lesson as a bedtime story and this is the thanks I get." 

"We both know I wasn't going to sleep anyways," Yusaku said, opening his laptop and logging in.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you the most important part!" Ai yelled, perking up and waving his small arms to catch Yusaku's attention. Yusaku hummed, not looking up from his laptop, but giving Ai the okay to continue. "Yusei would end up having a kid. And this kid would have a kid who would later have Ryoken!" 

Yusaku turned his attention back to Ai so fast he almost gave himself whiplash. "What did you just say?" 

Ai nodded, "you heard me. Our beloved cyber terrorist carries some of crab man's genes. Ryoken is a baby crab." 

"Now that's how I know you're really messing with me," Yusaku said, rolling his eyes and continuing on his latest project. "Ryoken is more of an axolotl." 

"He should be a crab. Axolotls are too cute for Ryoken." 

Yusaku carefully kept his gaze away from Ai. "Ryoken is too beautiful to be considered cute." 

"Whatever simp. Fine, if my amazing and interesting history lectures aren't going to be appreciated then I'm going where they will be." 

Yusaku rolled his eyes, "bye Felicia. I won't miss you."

"You're a bitch!" Ai yelled as he sank into Yusaku's duel disk for the night. Yusaku simply patted his duel disk in response.


End file.
